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Intimate Relationships Research Paper

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Relationship Analysis Essay, Research Paper? Intimacy, a

Relationship Analysis Essay, Research Paper

Intimacy, a unique bond created by two people through some combination of highly interdependent actions, individualized rules, and personal disclosures, and viewed by both parties as relatively affectionate, intrinsically rewarding, and irreplaceable? (Trenholm Jensen 293). This definition would definitely describe the relationship I have with my current boyfriend, Lance Robert LeMarie. I would describe our relationship as a private, close, and personal relationship. We share just about everything that goes on in our lives and can read each other like a book. We are so close; that rarely do we tell each other what we are feeling before the other already knows. We can tell each other?s state of mind and mood by the kinds of nonverbal codes we are sending out. He always notices when I am nervous or anxious because I bite on my bottom lip, and I can tell when he is aggravated because he rolls his eyes like a little girl. In this paper, I will give a brief analysis this relationship and the stages that we have and are currently going through. As a guideline, I will use Knapp?s stages for an intimate relationship, and the concepts of verbal and nonverbal competence as stated in chapter?s three and four of our textbook.

There are countless reasons why people are attracted to each other and form some relationship. Some of these reasons are personality, physical looks, intellectual stimulation, common interest, and differences. Lance and I developed our relationship at a young age. We first caught each other?s eye in the school office, our freshmen year of high school.

According to Knapp?s theory the development of relationships and stages of intimacy, have some very definitive and distinctive steps. The first step is initiating in which both parties follow scripts, there is a high amount of self-monitoring, and we are making judgments. This stage consists of making contact with the other person and showing that you are the kind of person worth talking to. Our relationship was initiated as soon as we held our first conversation, and facilitated by the fact that we sat next to each other in most of our classes. The first time we met was our first day of school at Catholic High School; we were both new students that had transferred from other schools. Physical appearance plays a major role in this step; I remember thinking that he had the most gorgeous facial features and adorable dimples. From the start, I could tell that he had an outgoing personality by the way he talked back to any authority figure without blinking an eye. Sure, it sounds bad, but at that age, we thought it was cute and funny.

The next step is experimenting, this is when you reduce uncertainty and identify with the others similarities. Though we were both physically attracted to each other from the moment we met, our relationship began as just friends. I was dating one of his best friends. Since we were not dating each other we were not trying to impress one another, we were just being ourselves. We would talk on the phone for hours at a time about anything and everything that crossed our teenage minds. In this stage, we formed a bond and a trust for each other that we now know is irreplaceable.

During this time, his friend and I decided to see other people. Therefore, Lance and I decided to give our feeling a chance. Since our relationship went through the first steps, we just skipped them in the romantic since and jumped right into intensifying.

Intensifying is when the expressions of feelings become more common. In the beginning of this phase, we were faced with many ?tests. The most intense was the ?endurance test, when the costs associated with the relationship are increased to see if the other is willing to remain?(310). He had to decide if our relationship was worth losing a best friend. After many months of crying, fighting, and thinking, we finally decided to follow our hearts and go for it.

I would describe what I was going through as a giant whirlpool of emotions. I was so confused about everything, life, relationships, friendships, and family. We broke up and got back together numerous times, and fought about stupid things that before would have never caused a problem. At times, I noticed that we did not know what to say to the other as if we were strangers meeting for the first time. This stage of our relationship was difficult but feasible. Mostly because as a teenager it is hard to ignore what other, people are saying and thinking about you and your actions. After a long discussion one school night, we both decided that if our relationship was going to work we needed to ignore rumors and other peoples? opinion. We needed to do what made us happy. This brought us right into integrating.

Integrating. partners in romantic couples begin to organize their everyday lives around each other, interdependence becomes more visible to others?(312). We still had the occasional healthy fights, but now we were viewed and known to others as a couple. We were developing a ?love/intimate relationship, hand-in-hand and arm-in-arm contact, more bodies leaning against one another, and more touching in general?(71). Often times I would go places without him and people would ask, where he was and why he was not with me. We spent most of our free time doing things together, like going to see a movie or playing Nintendo at my house.

In just about every school there is a couple that everyone thinks is so cute and perfect, well we were that ideal couple. The couple that everyone thinks will go to college together and have this perfect life. We very voted the most popular couple at our senior prom. I guess our classmates did not realize all the problems we had and were about to have.

Although we had some rough patches in our relationship before, we were definitely not ready for what was about to happen. But then again I do not think that any relationship is ready for this. In February of 2000, Lance was arrested in Houston, Texas for possession of a controlled substance. He was in the car with his ?friends? when they got pulled over, even though the drugs were not his; he was still guilty by association. He was sentenced to sixty days in the Harris County Jail, and then would be sent to Harris County Boot Camp for 190 days. This is a feeling I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I felt as if my whole world was crumbling at my feet, and the worst part was that I could do nothing about it. It was time to play all or nothing with our feelings and our relationship. We both agreed on all.

You might think that something like this would ruin a relationship, but in our case, it made our feelings and our trust for one another one hundred percent stronger. I guess we figured that if we could make it through this then we could make it through anything. It is true what they say; absence does make the heart grow fonder. We both learned that the hard way. I knew he truly loved me when I received a letter from boot camp with a poem that he wrote in it.

Not only did our relationship grow stronger, but my relationship with his family also flourished. In a sense, I am now a part of his family and he is a part of mine. Brittany, his younger sister, calls me for advice on topics in her teenage life. Brittany and are as close as sisters, she always jokes and calls me her sister-in-law. I call his mother to cry or just to have someone to talk to as if she was my mother. Since his return from boot camp my father treats him like a son, if my dad needs help with something he will call Lance to go help him. I think now our parents realize that we are really in love and nothing can break us apart.

Bonding is the last step. When two people?s lives have become intertwined to their mutual satisfaction, private commitments are often formalized?(312-313). We are currently in this phase. Often times we have ?covenant talk, two people working out what they believe and what they hope for each other?(313). I have four and a half semesters left in college, and Lance is currently working offshore so that he can save money for our future. After graduating with a bachelors of science in Business Administration, I will start law school and we plan to be married. He is starting college next spring and is planning to major in business. At that time, he plans to move to Baton Rouge, where I already have a three-bedroom house, which is paid for. I know we will be one of the relationships that remain together. While writing this analysis using Knapp?s stages and the concepts in chapters three and four, I discovered many new things about our relationship. I always knew how much Lance meant to me, but after writing this analysis I now know that he means the world to me. Before writing this paper, I would hear people talk about special places and nicknames they have for their significant other and laugh at how cheesy they were. After carefully reading, studying, and applying these concepts and methods to my own relationship I realized that I have all of the silly little meaningful things in my relationship, I just never thought about them in that way. For instance our first ?real date? was Valentines Day our freshman year of high school. Until writing, this paper I had forgot all about that night. My symbolic thing would have to be the diamond tennis bracelet that he bought for me this past Valentines Day; I guess that would be our 6th anniversary. He also does the most annoying thing before we go to bed that I absolutely despised before, but now I do not mind. He talks real soft in my ear until my entire body is covered with chills, and does not stop until I am out of breath from laughing so much.

I never realized how much we actually do for each other without noticing it, especially little things which mean a lot to me. Like when I come home from school or work and the yard is cut, the garbage is at the road, and he will be in the kitchen cooking supper. I never ask him to do any of this but he always knows the right time to do it. He usually does it when I am having a horrible week at work, I am cramming for tests, and my homework is pilled up to the ceiling. I guess up until now I took things like this for granted. Now I realize how special he is and that no matter what the future holds he will always have a special place in my heart.

Trenholm, Sarah. and Jensen, Arthur. Interpersonal Communication. 4th ed. Belmont: Wadsworth, 2000.

Other articles

Intimacy Problems Essay Research Paper Intimacy Problems

Cherie has a perfect life, so it seems. She is successful in the workplace, lives in a gorgeous house, and has a handsome, devoted boyfriend who wishes to marry. However, due to her lack of intimate knowledge, she is negative about her life. Nothing seems to satisfy her because she does not know how to communicate how she truly feels (Negaholic 45). Even though this is a hypothetical situation, many suffer from similar situations causing more lives to be unhappy and unsatisfying. According to the Surgeon General, the Detroit Free Press states that one in every five Americans will suffer from some type of mental disorder in any given year and half of all Americans will come in contact with a disorder sometime in their lives, but most will never seek treatment.

Statistics also show that 22 percent of the population in the United States has a diagnosable mental disorder, which happens to be the second leading cause of death, next to heart disease (Free Press). Those who suffer, especially those who have troubles with intimacy do not even realize that they have a severe medical condition or that there are treatments to help curb and solve these strange situations. Many feel that psychotherapy has been over-rated and too publicized to be true, while others feel that there are not enough therapists in the country available to all that need it. More people need to seek therapy or read self-help books to increase their knowledge of intimacy so that marriages, families, friendships, careers, and one’s self may be improved and satisfactory.

True, the cost of therapy is expensive, and many insurance policies do not cover mental and emotional treatments. However, many specialists offer different payment options. If an insurance provider is cutting costs or offering less benefits than in previous years, those who are covered by these particular companies may want to check the quality of doctors who take a particular insurance

company (Knife). Therapists offer alternative payment methods to those with out health insurance or lack of medical benefits. Twenty percent of all therapists are now accepting credit card payments (Transform 1). According to a survey released by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), most therapists are rapidly adapting to the realities of managed care and taking them one step farther – delivering a fuller range of health services to an incoming number of patients (Transform 1). More than two-thirds (68 percent) of therapists now offer evening appointments and nearly one-third (32 percent) offer weekend appointments (Transform 3).

Admittedly, many have a great fear of sharing their personal lives with those who are strangers to their world. Nevertheless, situations and feelings discussed during a therapy session are completely confidential. Those who fear opening up what may be a dark closet, also fear that others will learn about their emotional and mental disorders. However, these certain people could not be more wrong.

Dr. Stephen Barret, M.D. stated in his article of “Mismanagement of Therapy”:

Every state in the U.S. have forced the law of

Confidentiality to protect patients undergoing

therapy. Doctors are not allowed to discuss their

Patients with anyone, even if a crime has occurred.

The doctor must ask for the patients’ permission to

Release information about the treatment being

Received. However, if the doctor feels a crime may

Occur, the patient will be admitted to a psychiatric

Hospital with no objections allowed to be placed by

Dr. Barret further states, that if the doctor does release any information and the patient realizes he did, the doctor will loose his medical license, be heavily fined, and the chance of being sued by the patient (Mismanagement).

Many who aware that they may need psychological help are not aware of the conditions stated above. When a patient first meets with their doctor, the rules of a patient-doctor relationship are explained immediately and thoroughly. The patient is also handed a pamphlet, which clarifies the medical rights and laws pertaining to mental health treatment in the state of which the patient is receiving medical attention (Mismanagement).

Granted, facing the true inner-self, which one usually hides, is always a frightening experience. However, knowing one’s true self can only make life a bit more pleasant. If people could ignore celebrities so called “perfection,” more would realize their inner-self quicker and easier. As Susan Bordo, author of “Unbearable Weight” stated:

We do not see behind the scenes of perfection. We do not see Cher’s surgeries, Stallone’s compulsive workouts, or models throwing up everyday. Then we begin to feel bad about ourselves, causing us to lose intimacy levels.

Losing intimacy can only cause there to be less communication between two people, which causes relationships to be left incomplete. There is a simple way to reverse, or correct, this situation: to complete every relationship in the past that was ended incomplete. To achieve this properly, one needs to engage in a revealing conversation with the other. This gives completion as well as practice for truth (Powerful). After relating to others, one can live optimistically in the future, instead of dwelling on past imperfections, and knowing more truth of how their brain works (Powerful 2).

Intimacy problems usually do not occur in friendships, but causes of intimate dilemmas with friends are usually due to loss of trust. In the Encyclopedia Encarta 1999, intimacy is defined as having a very personal and close relationship with another. While the loss of an intimate friendship could be both parties fault, one will more often than not, think about seeking therapy. Therapists who specialize in depression are more efficient in overcoming losses, no matter what the loss may be.

The therapist’s role is this situation is to move patients beyond their dispossession and help cope with the pain involved (Blazing).

Divorce could be one of the largest losses in one’s life, but it may not have occurred if the couple understood where most of their conflicts arose. In December 1996, there were 94,000 divorces reported in the United States, while just a year later in December 1997, there were 104,000 (Statistics). Ten thousand more couples faced the world alone in 1997, but the question is why? When a relationship becomes dysfunctional due to emotional conflicts, not only the family, but also employment, become destroyed (Improve). The answer is that too many women do not know how to communicate with men accurately. Contrary to what most women believe, men are not living without an inner emotional self. However, when a woman wants the relationship to be verbally emotional, it becomes burdensome to the man (Fears 220).

On the other hand, when a man does not communicate how they feel, she is likely to become depressed. This is a fact that most men are not aware of. Lack of intimacy –

whether it was laughing about an inside joke or making love – causes depression in women (Depression). It is true that women are higher at risk for developing depression than men, but most of these women suffer the diagnosis due to the loss of intimacy (Women).

Therapy is the only solution to this severe complication. Marital therapies are proven to be particularly effective with intimacy problems (Transform). Marital therapy has become one of the nation’s ways for learning how to communicate effectively. Divorce, one of the United States’ most bitter problems, is not taken as lightly in court as in the past. Ten states – Arizona, Illinois, Iowa, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Oregon, and Washington – have made marital therapy mandatory before a divorce may become legally final (Saving).

To engage in intimate relationships, depends on communication skills, traits, values, beliefs, situations, and luck. Without communication skills, at least, neither of the two people involved will experience happiness.

More people need to seek therapy to improve relationships of all kinds. Interpersonal therapy focuses on current relationships to help deal with needs and feelings that sometimes go unrecognized and improve relationships by learning communication skills in 12-16 sessions. These sessions may be costly, and many fear opening up to a stranger, and fear of others knowing what is going on in your private life, but to save any relationship meaningful in one’s life – whether seeing a psychologist or reading self-help books – is the only way to preserve wonderful feelings. This may be the key to happiness, so use the key and unlock the door to the unknown.

Реферат: Relationship Analysis Essay Research Paper Intimacy a

Relationship Analysis Essay, Research Paper

Intimacy, a unique bond created by two people through some combination of highly interdependent actions, individualized rules, and personal disclosures, and viewed by both parties as relatively affectionate, intrinsically rewarding, and irreplaceable? (Trenholm Jensen 293). This definition would definitely describe the relationship I have with my current boyfriend, Lance Robert LeMarie. I would describe our relationship as a private, close, and personal relationship. We share just about everything that goes on in our lives and can read each other like a book. We are so close; that rarely do we tell each other what we are feeling before the other already knows. We can tell each other?s state of mind and mood by the kinds of nonverbal codes we are sending out. He always notices when I am nervous or anxious because I bite on my bottom lip, and I can tell when he is aggravated because he rolls his eyes like a little girl. In this paper, I will give a brief analysis this relationship and the stages that we have and are currently going through. As a guideline, I will use Knapp?s stages for an intimate relationship, and the concepts of verbal and nonverbal competence as stated in chapter?s three and four of our textbook.

There are countless reasons why people are attracted to each other and form some relationship. Some of these reasons are personality, physical looks, intellectual stimulation, common interest, and differences. Lance and I developed our relationship at a young age. We first caught each other?s eye in the school office, our freshmen year of high school.

According to Knapp?s theory the development of relationships and stages of intimacy, have some very definitive and distinctive steps. The first step is initiating in which both parties follow scripts, there is a high amount of self-monitoring, and we are making judgments. This stage consists of making contact with the other person and showing that you are the kind of person worth talking to. Our relationship was initiated as soon as we held our first conversation, and facilitated by the fact that we sat next to each other in most of our classes. The first time we met was our first day of school at Catholic High School; we were both new students that had transferred from other schools. Physical appearance plays a major role in this step; I remember thinking that he had the most gorgeous facial features and adorable dimples. From the start, I could tell that he had an outgoing personality by the way he talked back to any authority figure without blinking an eye. Sure, it sounds bad, but at that age, we thought it was cute and funny.

The next step is experimenting, this is when you reduce uncertainty and identify with the others similarities. Though we were both physically attracted to each other from the moment we met, our relationship began as just friends. I was dating one of his best friends. Since we were not dating each other we were not trying to impress one another, we were just being ourselves. We would talk on the phone for hours at a time about anything and everything that crossed our teenage minds. In this stage, we formed a bond and a trust for each other that we now know is irreplaceable.

During this time, his friend and I decided to see other people. Therefore, Lance and I decided to give our feeling a chance. Since our relationship went through the first steps, we just skipped them in the romantic since and jumped right into intensifying.

Intensifying is when the expressions of feelings become more common. In the beginning of this phase, we were faced with many ?tests. The most intense was the ?endurance test, when the costs associated with the relationship are increased to see if the other is willing to remain?(310). He had to decide if our relationship was worth losing a best friend. After many months of crying, fighting, and thinking, we finally decided to follow our hearts and go for it.

I would describe what I was going through as a giant whirlpool of emotions. I was so confused about everything, life, relationships, friendships, and family. We broke up and got back together numerous times, and fought about stupid things that before would have never caused a problem. At times, I noticed that we did not know what to say to the other as if we were strangers meeting for the first time. This stage of our relationship was difficult but feasible. Mostly because as a teenager it is hard to ignore what other, people are saying and thinking about you and your actions. After a long discussion one school night, we both decided that if our relationship was going to work we needed to ignore rumors and other peoples? opinion. We needed to do what made us happy. This brought us right into integrating.

Integrating. partners in romantic couples begin to organize their everyday lives around each other, interdependence becomes more visible to others?(312). We still had the occasional healthy fights, but now we were viewed and known to others as a couple. We were developing a ?love/intimate relationship, hand-in-hand and arm-in-arm contact, more bodies leaning against one another, and more touching in general?(71). Often times I would go places without him and people would ask, where he was and why he was not with me. We spent most of our free time doing things together, like going to see a movie or playing Nintendo at my house.

In just about every school there is a couple that everyone thinks is so cute and perfect, well we were that ideal couple. The couple that everyone thinks will go to college together and have this perfect life. We very voted the most popular couple at our senior prom. I guess our classmates did not realize all the problems we had and were about to have.

Although we had some rough patches in our relationship before, we were definitely not ready for what was about to happen. But then again I do not think that any relationship is ready for this. In February of 2000, Lance was arrested in Houston, Texas for possession of a controlled substance. He was in the car with his ?friends? when they got pulled over, even though the drugs were not his; he was still guilty by association. He was sentenced to sixty days in the Harris County Jail, and then would be sent to Harris County Boot Camp for 190 days. This is a feeling I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I felt as if my whole world was crumbling at my feet, and the worst part was that I could do nothing about it. It was time to play all or nothing with our feelings and our relationship. We both agreed on all.

You might think that something like this would ruin a relationship, but in our case, it made our feelings and our trust for one another one hundred percent stronger. I guess we figured that if we could make it through this then we could make it through anything. It is true what they say; absence does make the heart grow fonder. We both learned that the hard way. I knew he truly loved me when I received a letter from boot camp with a poem that he wrote in it.

Not only did our relationship grow stronger, but my relationship with his family also flourished. In a sense, I am now a part of his family and he is a part of mine. Brittany, his younger sister, calls me for advice on topics in her teenage life. Brittany and are as close as sisters, she always jokes and calls me her sister-in-law. I call his mother to cry or just to have someone to talk to as if she was my mother. Since his return from boot camp my father treats him like a son, if my dad needs help with something he will call Lance to go help him. I think now our parents realize that we are really in love and nothing can break us apart.

Bonding is the last step. When two people?s lives have become intertwined to their mutual satisfaction, private commitments are often formalized?(312-313). We are currently in this phase. Often times we have ?covenant talk, two people working out what they believe and what they hope for each other?(313). I have four and a half semesters left in college, and Lance is currently working offshore so that he can save money for our future. After graduating with a bachelors of science in Business Administration, I will start law school and we plan to be married. He is starting college next spring and is planning to major in business. At that time, he plans to move to Baton Rouge, where I already have a three-bedroom house, which is paid for. I know we will be one of the relationships that remain together. While writing this analysis using Knapp?s stages and the concepts in chapters three and four, I discovered many new things about our relationship. I always knew how much Lance meant to me, but after writing this analysis I now know that he means the world to me. Before writing this paper, I would hear people talk about special places and nicknames they have for their significant other and laugh at how cheesy they were. After carefully reading, studying, and applying these concepts and methods to my own relationship I realized that I have all of the silly little meaningful things in my relationship, I just never thought about them in that way. For instance our first ?real date? was Valentines Day our freshman year of high school. Until writing, this paper I had forgot all about that night. My symbolic thing would have to be the diamond tennis bracelet that he bought for me this past Valentines Day; I guess that would be our 6th anniversary. He also does the most annoying thing before we go to bed that I absolutely despised before, but now I do not mind. He talks real soft in my ear until my entire body is covered with chills, and does not stop until I am out of breath from laughing so much.

I never realized how much we actually do for each other without noticing it, especially little things which mean a lot to me. Like when I come home from school or work and the yard is cut, the garbage is at the road, and he will be in the kitchen cooking supper. I never ask him to do any of this but he always knows the right time to do it. He usually does it when I am having a horrible week at work, I am cramming for tests, and my homework is pilled up to the ceiling. I guess up until now I took things like this for granted. Now I realize how special he is and that no matter what the future holds he will always have a special place in my heart.

Trenholm, Sarah. and Jensen, Arthur. Interpersonal Communication. 4th ed. Belmont: Wadsworth, 2000.

Sample literature review

NOTE: The following is copyrighted material. It consists of an excerpt from an article in progress. You may read this material and use it as a model for your own literature review, but you may not cite or quote or otherwise use this as a source.

A Kind of September: Impact of Terrorist Attacks on College Students' Lives and Intimate Relationships

Department of Sociology-Anthropology

University of Minnesota-Duluth

The September 11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon have been a "defining moment," not only in American history, but in many individuals' lives. According to studies of national tragedy, events of this magnitude often result in reevaluation of personal values, priorities, and lifestyle (Sheatsley and Feldman, 1964; Smith, Rasinski, and Toce, 2001; Gallup Poll Analyses, 2001b). Anecdotal evidence and historical studies suggest that this evaluation process is particularly characteristic of young people and college students (Scott and Zac, 1993; "September 11, 2001," 2001; Brownstein and Hoover, 2001). Further, college students' reactions to national events may differ from those of the general adult population (Miller, 194x).

This study investigates the effects of the terrorist attacks on the lives and relationships of students at a medium-sized midwestern university. Specific issues addressed are personal reactions, change and uncertainty in future plans and priorities, and effects on intimate relationships.

What is a "defining moment?" The phrase has been used in the media to describe the September 11 attacks, along with references to other historical events such as the attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941 and the assassination of President Kennedy in 1963. In an analysis of reactions to the Kennedy assassination, Sheatsley and Feldman (1964) suggest that certain characteristics of the event increased its impact on ordinary citizens. Among these characteristics are: 1) the suddenness with which the assassination occurred, along with the rapid spread of the news across the country; 2) a tendency to personify events, i.e. to empathize with the President's family and to feel the loss personally; 3) typical grief reactions, such as sorrow, shame, anger, and physical symptoms; 4) an "overload" of tragic news (e.g. some respondents reported that they could not bear to watch TV any longer); and 5) a sense that lessons should be learned, including less hate, more patriotism, greater unity, and harsher treatment of subversives. It is not difficult to apply this list of characteristics to the events of September 11. Indeed, a comparison of public reactions to the terrorist attacks and the Kennedy assassination indicates very similar responses (Smith, Rasinski, and Toce, 2001). The above list might thus be considered one definition of a "defining moment," at least in terms of tragic or disastrous events.

Research on College Students

Do "defining moments" have a greater impact on some individuals than others? According to a study by Scott and Zac (1993), events occurring in the young adult years may be considered more memorable or important than those that occur later in life. Miller (194x) found college students' attitudes about World War II were different in some important ways, including higher pacifism and greater opposition to the draft, than attitudes in the adult population. Even sharper differences between youth and older adults were found with respect to the war in Vietnam (source). If such limited findings can be generalized, the attacks of September 11 may well have been perceived differently by youth than older adults.

A search of the literature at the time of this writing produced no references to scholarly reports on college student or youth responses to the terrorist attacks. However, several articles in publications targeted toward the academic community or alumni (Brownstein and Hoover, 2001; "Sept. 11. " 2001) summarize the results of nonscientific interviews with students in the aftermath of the attacks. Several themes emerge: 1) a desire to connect with others by calling parents or other family members, seeking out friends, or discussing the attacks in groups or classes; 2) fear and worry about future terrorist attacks, safety of self or loved ones, or generalized anxiety; 3) uncertainty about the future reflected in reconsideration of priorities or goals, soul-searching, a recognition of the vulnerability and fragility of life, or a search for spiritual meaning; and 4) social and moral concerns relating to military action, pacifism and antiwar sentiments, national security, and ethnic and religious differences.

While these concerns or themes are similar to those found among the adult population (see for example, Pew Research Center, 2001a, 2001b, 2001c; Gallup Poll Analyses, 2001a; 2001b), college students may feel them particularly acutely due to their age and stage in life. Career issues, planning for the future, independence from family, attachment to peers, and moral development are general characteristics of the late teen and young adult stages (xxxx source needed). Older adults, on the other hand, have resolved many of these issues and concerns, and most have developed a psychological or emotional foundation for dealing with life-altering events and losses, or at least putting them in perspective. Many of them can personally recall the attack on Pearl Harbor, the Kennedy assassination, or other occasions of tragedy and grief; the knowledge that life goes on and the coping mechanisms learned through experience could have been applied to the September 11 attacks. Indeed, many reported reduced worry about terrorism and going on with "business as usual" within two months (Jones, 2001; Pew Research Center, 2001b; Donaton, 2002).

Less is known about college students and how their lives may or may not have changed subsequent to the attacks. In a recent telephone poll, about 25% of college-bound high school seniors reported that they are now less likely to consider attending a college or university far away from home, especially if a plane trip is involved ("Staying Close to Home. " 2001). Brownstein and Hoover (2001) quote college students as giving more thought to career goals, having difficulty concentrating or studying, or conversely, attempting to normalize the attacks by emphasizing high achievement and perfection.

A nearly universal reaction in the immediate aftermath of the terrorist attacks of September11 was a need to connect with others (Bader, 2001; Kelly, 2001). According to the National Tragedy Study (Smith, Rasinski, and Toce, 2001), 74% of adults "felt like talking to someone," 67% contacted someone that day, and 48% were contacted by someone else. In the weeks following, about half of adults worried about the safety of loved ones (ABC News, 2001; Gallup Poll Analyses, 2001). Three months after the attacks, a Gallup Poll found that 31% of Americans were spending more time with family and friends and 33% had changed their priorities in life (Gallup Poll Topics and Trends, 2002).

Reports in the media further support this emphasis on family and relationships (Wilson-Smith, 2001), need for human connection (Kelly, 2001), and less likelihood of taking loved ones for granted (Bryant, 2001). According to Bader (2001), the need for intimacy is universal, but reaching out in normal daily life may be hindered by emotional risk, inhibitions, fear of exploitation and cultural norms. In the aftermath of traumatic events, however, sexual or emotional intimacy may become easier because vulnerability and neediness are socially sanctioned, racial and social distinctions are temporarily collapsed, and existing "rules" may no longer apply. The resulting increase in sexual encounters has been termed "post-traumatic love syndrome" or "terror sex" (Bader, 2001). Again, a search of the literature produces little in the way of scientific studies on this topic. It seems reasonable to assume, however, that casual sexual encounters encouraged by a loss of inhibition might be more characteristic of individuals who are not already in a committed relationship.

Among those already in intimate relationships, an evaluation of or focus on the existing relationship seems more likely. Media reports suggest that the terrorist attacks spurred more couples to marry (Heffernan, 2001). College students may represent a wide variety of intimate relationships, ranging from casual involvement to committed relationships, to marriage. Most are somewhere between complete dependence on their family of origin and development of a family of procreation. In this stage of life, dating is widespread, role experimentation is likely, and mature adult love is possible. Marriage may be considered in light of how it would fit into educational and career plans. College students involved in intimate relationships may therefore take a reflective and evaluative approach; any event that affects their values, goals, and plans is likely to carry over into their relationships. It is reasonable, then to examine the effects of September 11 on students' thinking about their relationships.

Data and Methods

A survey measuring attitudes and opinions concerning the September 11 attacks was administered on December 12, 2001 to 329 undergraduate students enrolled in an introductory sociology class at a mid-sized midwestern university. Included on the self-administered questionnaire are six categories of items: 1) respondent's personal contacts just after the attacks; 2) respondent's reactions to the attacks; 3) effects of the attacks on respondent's intimate relationships; 4) respondent's general opinions on war, politics, and the economy; 5) respondent's confidence in government and societal institutions, and 6) demographic and personal information. The specific wording of the items used in this analysis is described later in this paper. The sample is typical for a large, liberal education course: it consists mainly of freshman (46.3%) and sophomores (36.6%). Ages of the respondents range from 17 to 40; the median age is 19. Sixty-five percent of the respondents are female, and 35% are male. Although a wide variety of majors are represented, a disproportionate number of the students in this class come from sociology, criminology, psychology, and education. The sample cannot be considered representative of the university population. Several of our analyses also utilize comparison data from national opinion polls conducted between September and December of 2001. A summary of these data sources is presented in Table 1.

Реферат - Relationship Analysis Essay Research Paper Intimacy a - Иностранный язык

Relationship Analysis Essay, Research Paper

Intimacy, a unique bond created by two people through some combination of highly interdependent actions, individualized rules, and personal disclosures, and viewed by both parties as relatively affectionate, intrinsically rewarding, and irreplaceable? (Trenholm Jensen 293). This definition would definitely describe the relationship I have with my current boyfriend, Lance Robert LeMarie. I would describe our relationship as a private, close, and personal relationship. We share just about everything that goes on in our lives and can read each other like a book. We are so close; that rarely do we tell each other what we are feeling before the other already knows. We can tell each other?s state of mind and mood by the kinds of nonverbal codes we are sending out. He always notices when I am nervous or anxious because I bite on my bottom lip, and I can tell when he is aggravated because he rolls his eyes like a little girl. In this paper, I will give a brief analysis this relationship and the stages that we have and are currently going through. As a guideline, I will use Knapp?s stages for an intimate relationship, and the concepts of verbal and nonverbal competence as stated in chapter?s three and four of our textbook.

There are countless reasons why people are attracted to each other and form some relationship. Some of these reasons are personality, physical looks, intellectual stimulation, common interest, and differences. Lance and I developed our relationship at a young age. We first caught each other?s eye in the school office, our freshmen year of high school.

According to Knapp?s theory the development of relationships and stages of intimacy, have some very definitive and distinctive steps. The first step is initiating in which both parties follow scripts, there is a high amount of self-monitoring, and we are making judgments. This stage consists of making contact with the other person and showing that you are the kind of person worth talking to. Our relationship was initiated as soon as we held our first conversation, and facilitated by the fact that we sat next to each other in most of our classes. The first time we met was our first day of school at Catholic High School; we were both new students that had transferred from other schools. Physical appearance plays a major role in this step; I remember thinking that he had the most gorgeous facial features and adorable dimples. From the start, I could tell that he had an outgoing personality by the way he talked back to any authority figure without blinking an eye. Sure, it sounds bad, but at that age, we thought it was cute and funny.

The next step is experimenting, this is when you reduce uncertainty and identify with the others similarities. Though we were both physically attracted to each other from the moment we met, our relationship began as just friends. I was dating one of his best friends. Since we were not dating each other we were not trying to impress one another, we were just being ourselves. We would talk on the phone for hours at a time about anything and everything that crossed our teenage minds. In this stage, we formed a bond and a trust for each other that we now know is irreplaceable.

During this time, his friend and I decided to see other people. Therefore, Lance and I decided to give our feeling a chance. Since our relationship went through the first steps, we just skipped them in the romantic since and jumped right into intensifying.

Intensifying is when the expressions of feelings become more common. In the beginning of this phase, we were faced with many ?tests. The most intense was the ?endurance test, when the costs associated with the relationship are increased to see if the other is willing to remain?(310). He had to decide if our relationship was worth losing a best friend. After many months of crying, fighting, and thinking, we finally decided to follow our hearts and go for it.

I would describe what I was going through as a giant whirlpool of emotions. I was so confused about everything, life, relationships, friendships, and family. We broke up and got back together numerous times, and fought about stupid things that before would have never caused a problem. At times, I noticed that we did not know what to say to the other as if we were strangers meeting for the first time. This stage of our relationship was difficult but feasible. Mostly because as a teenager it is hard to ignore what other, people are saying and thinking about you and your actions. After a long discussion one school night, we both decided that if our relationship was going to work we needed to ignore rumors and other peoples? opinion. We needed to do what made us happy. This brought us right into integrating.

Integrating. partners in romantic couples begin to organize their everyday lives around each other, interdependence becomes more visible to others?(312). We still had the occasional healthy fights, but now we were viewed and known to others as a couple. We were developing a ?love/intimate relationship, hand-in-hand and arm-in-arm contact, more bodies leaning against one another, and more touching in general?(71). Often times I would go places without him and people would ask, where he was and why he was not with me. We spent most of our free time doing things together, like going to see a movie or playing Nintendo at my house.

In just about every school there is a couple that everyone thinks is so cute and perfect, well we were that ideal couple. The couple that everyone thinks will go to college together and have this perfect life. We very voted the most popular couple at our senior prom. I guess our classmates did not realize all the problems we had and were about to have.

Although we had some rough patches in our relationship before, we were definitely not ready for what was about to happen. But then again I do not think that any relationship is ready for this. In February of 2000, Lance was arrested in Houston, Texas for possession of a controlled substance. He was in the car with his ?friends? when they got pulled over, even though the drugs were not his; he was still guilty by association. He was sentenced to sixty days in the Harris County Jail, and then would be sent to Harris County Boot Camp for 190 days. This is a feeling I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I felt as if my whole world was crumbling at my feet, and the worst part was that I could do nothing about it. It was time to play all or nothing with our feelings and our relationship. We both agreed on all.

You might think that something like this would ruin a relationship, but in our case, it made our feelings and our trust for one another one hundred percent stronger. I guess we figured that if we could make it through this then we could make it through anything. It is true what they say; absence does make the heart grow fonder. We both learned that the hard way. I knew he truly loved me when I received a letter from boot camp with a poem that he wrote in it.

Not only did our relationship grow stronger, but my relationship with his family also flourished. In a sense, I am now a part of his family and he is a part of mine. Brittany, his younger sister, calls me for advice on topics in her teenage life. Brittany and are as close as sisters, she always jokes and calls me her sister-in-law. I call his mother to cry or just to have someone to talk to as if she was my mother. Since his return from boot camp my father treats him like a son, if my dad needs help with something he will call Lance to go help him. I think now our parents realize that we are really in love and nothing can break us apart.

Bonding is the last step. When two people?s lives have become intertwined to their mutual satisfaction, private commitments are often formalized?(312-313). We are currently in this phase. Often times we have ?covenant talk, two people working out what they believe and what they hope for each other?(313). I have four and a half semesters left in college, and Lance is currently working offshore so that he can save money for our future. After graduating with a bachelors of science in Business Administration, I will start law school and we plan to be married. He is starting college next spring and is planning to major in business. At that time, he plans to move to Baton Rouge, where I already have a three-bedroom house, which is paid for. I know we will be one of the relationships that remain together. While writing this analysis using Knapp?s stages and the concepts in chapters three and four, I discovered many new things about our relationship. I always knew how much Lance meant to me, but after writing this analysis I now know that he means the world to me. Before writing this paper, I would hear people talk about special places and nicknames they have for their significant other and laugh at how cheesy they were. After carefully reading, studying, and applying these concepts and methods to my own relationship I realized that I have all of the silly little meaningful things in my relationship, I just never thought about them in that way. For instance our first ?real date? was Valentines Day our freshman year of high school. Until writing, this paper I had forgot all about that night. My symbolic thing would have to be the diamond tennis bracelet that he bought for me this past Valentines Day; I guess that would be our 6th anniversary. He also does the most annoying thing before we go to bed that I absolutely despised before, but now I do not mind. He talks real soft in my ear until my entire body is covered with chills, and does not stop until I am out of breath from laughing so much.

I never realized how much we actually do for each other without noticing it, especially little things which mean a lot to me. Like when I come home from school or work and the yard is cut, the garbage is at the road, and he will be in the kitchen cooking supper. I never ask him to do any of this but he always knows the right time to do it. He usually does it when I am having a horrible week at work, I am cramming for tests, and my homework is pilled up to the ceiling. I guess up until now I took things like this for granted. Now I realize how special he is and that no matter what the future holds he will always have a special place in my heart.

Trenholm, Sarah. and Jensen, Arthur. Interpersonal Communication. 4th ed. Belmont: Wadsworth, 2000.